A Neurodivergent Friendly Guide to the 6Fs of Internal Family Systems
This post builds on another blog post outlining the 6Fs of Internal Family Systems (IFS). The 6Fs are a step-by-step process to befriend your inner world. These steps include getting to know your internal landscape and the different aspects (thoughts, emotions, and sensations) that are part of this ecosystem.
These guidelines are tailored for people who are autistic, AuDHD, or have ADHD. In addition, these modifications can also be helpful for people who experience aphantasia (without a “minds eye”) and alexithymia (“without a word for feelings”).
The Neurodivergent Friendly 6Fs
The IFS model holds that Self-energy is present in all of us.
I find the beauty of IFS is its simplicity and non-pathologizing approach. IFS is a constraint-release model. Rather than imposing change from the outside, in IFS we facilitate healing through removing constraints, differentiating parts from Self, fostering access to Self, and supporting unburdening. Self refers to our innate core essence.
Before I share the 6Fs, please know that it’s not necessary to complete all six steps. Even working with the initial three steps can be helpful. Remember, there is no expectation or pressure to move through all the steps.
Building a Language of Emotion and Sensation
One challenge many neurodivergent people face, including those with ADHD or autism, is some combination of alexithymia, sensory challenges, and interoceptive issues. Alexithymia refers to struggles with identifying and processing emotions. Interoception is our internal sense, which is essentially how we know what we feel inside. Interoception tells you when you are hungry, thirsty, tired, or need to go to the bathroom. Interoception is also what helps us to understand what we feel and therefore what we need. Alexithymia is oftentimes linked to challenges with interoception. It can be valuable to develop interoceptive cues and foster more fluency in emotions.
There are a lot of different theories about emotions. Personally, I like the theory of constructed emotion, which posits that emotions are built in the brain in the moment, blending interoception, context, and past experiences. Lisa Feldman Barrett describes an emotion as “your brain's creation of what your bodily sensations mean, in relation to what is going on around you in the world.”
Just a starting point, some people can use an emotion wheel to work with alexithymia and interoception. Try to find one that makes sense to your brain. Lindsay Braman has an emotion sensation feeling wheel which is available here.
Here’s an example of an emotional model from Robert Plutchik:
Adapt the 6Fs
If you struggle to identify internal cues and emotions, it’s beneficial to scaffold the 6Fs, which I have included as part of the modifications below.
Personally, I experience the IFS model as creative, flexible, non-pathologizing, and affirming.
If you don’t resonant with the language of parts, use a different word (such as pattern, sensation, aspect, defense, etc).
The 6Fs of IFS
FIND the part in, on, or around the body.
What are you feeling, thinking, and experiencing? A thought (words and images), bodily sensation, or emotion are all potential trailheads into our internal world.
Bring your focus to a particular sensation, reaction, or behavior pattern.
Possible questions include:
Who needs your attention right now?
Where do you notice it?
If this part could talk, what would it say?
If this part had a sensation, what would it feel like?
If this part had a color, what color would it be?
If this part had a sound, what sound would it be?
If this part was a song, what song would it be?
If this part was energy, how would it move?
If this part was a fictional character, who would it be?
2. FOCUS on the part.
Turn your attention to the part. We usually call this the target part.
Bring your focus towards the part:
Can you stay with this part for just a moment while staying curious?
Identify what would help you to stay focused on this target part. For example:
Do you need to move around?
Do you need to get some proprioceptive input or sensory feedback from your muscles or joints? What happens if you gently squeeze your joints (such as your wrists, shoulders, or ankles), press on your hips, or provide gentle joint compression?
Does it help to draw, color, or write?
Is there a particular setting or body posture that helps you to better access this part?
3. FLESH it out.
Can you see the part? If so, how does it look?
If not, how do you experience it? What is that like?
You can try asking the part:
If you had a name, what name would that be?
If you are trying to solve a problem, what problem are you trying to solve?
If you are part of a broader strategy, how does this strategy operate and what does it solve?
4. How do you FEEL toward the part?
This question is our Geiger Counter for Self-energy. Do you feel a sense of calm, curiousity, or compassion?
Is your heart open to this part?
Notice any internal tension. You might notice a sense of urgency, frustration, resistance, boredom, annoyance, etc. Pause and acknowledge.
We may find more target parts. For now, your work is simply to work steps 1-4 (find, focus, flesh out, and feel toward).
Keep checking back with how you feel towards the (target) part now. Oftentimes this step requires a lot of gentle repetition and time. There’s no rush.
Even if your feelings are mixed, check and see if you would at least be open to hearing this part’s perspective.
If this part was a person, how would you want to be with them? For example, would you want to watch them from across the room? Sit alongside them? Have lots of space in between?
5. BeFRIEND the part by finding out more about it.
Now we practice befriending and getting to know the part.
Offer your open hearted Self.
I oftentimes frame this step as a curious reporter bringing their full self to an interview subject. Some questions:
What are you trying to accomplish?
How did you get this job?
What happened so that you had to take on this role?
If you didn’t have to do this job, what would you rather do?
How old are you?
How old do you think I am?
How can we get along better?
What else do you want me to know?
What’s something I can offer to you more so you can better trust in me?
Is there a name you want me to refer to you by?
Offer some acknowledgment and appreciation. You might try telling the part:
Thank you for working so hard to protect me.
How can I show my genuine appreciation?
Is there anything I can do to help you do your job more smoothly?
Is there anything you want to know about my day-to-day life?
6. What does this part FEAR?
Listening compassionately to fears is an essential step. Practice listening without an agenda.
Some questions for the part:
What would happen if it stopped doing this job?
What do you fear would happen if you stopped protecting me?
What’s the cost of your strategy? What’s the benefit?
What evidence has this part collected that it’s job is not only important but fundamental to preserve your well-being?
What’s your deepest wish for my well-being?
Is there a way I can be more respectful of your needs?
Although we aren’t pushing an agenda, Self does have an intention - healing.
IFS is fundamentally a creative and open-ended approach that can work with well for neurodivergent people. For more information, I recommend checking out Sarah Bergenfield’s work and website. Here’s a brief video of hers about working with autistic people from an IFS lens:
And another video from the Ordinary Sacred about her personal experience with autism and IFS:
