A Simple Path to Self-Compassion
A short self-compassion practice with adaptations if self-compassion feels out of reach.
How self-compassion helps
The etymology of compassion comes from the Latin roots “com” (“with”) and “pati” (“to suffer”) so self-compassion can be understood at the root as “to suffer with oneself.” It is a practice of turning inward and responding to yourself with even an ounce of compassion and kindness. Researcher Kristin Neff describes compassion as containing mindfulness, common humanity, and kindness.
Various studies have found that self-compassion practice is associated with psychological well-being and may enhance resilience, empathy, connection, happiness, and curiosity. Self-compassion may also help reduce self-criticism and rumination. Self-compassion is a key ally in recovering from trauma, depression, anxiety, and other forms of suffering.
A self-compassion break
Place a loving hand on your heart.
Offer yourself a phrase from below or come up with what feels right for you:
This is a moment of suffering.
Suffering is a part of life.
I am not alone in my struggles.
Others struggle, too.
May I be kind to myself in this moment.
May I be gentle to myself in this moment.
May I give and receive self compassion from myself to myself.
When the way to self-compassion feels blocked
Self-compassion practice can feel uncomfortable, contrived, or even impossible. As with all practices, titration is key. What this means in practice is to take small steps, offer yourself little sips of compassion, pause to integrate, and always allow yourself to adjust or stop until you have more support. Here are some adaptations for when self-compassion feels blocked:
One gentle place to start is to practice saying to yourself, “I am open to the possibility of self-compassion.”
See if it would be possible to offer even just one percent more self-compassion to yourself.
Remember that it takes time to make a change. What we practice grows stronger.
Remind yourself that compassion can be understood as the wish to be free from suffering. Self-compassion is not meant to be indulgent, patronizing, or an excuse. It is simply the desire to be with suffering.
It can be helpful to find representations of self-compassion or compassion through depictions in media, stories, real or imaginal figures, animals, and resources from your lineage. What figure, moment, image, or feeling represents compassion?
If it feels ok, extend curiosity towards yourself around any internal blocks to self-compassion. How did you learn to turn off self-compassion? Consider how it may have helped you in the past to not access self-compassion or how in your family system compassion may have been dampened, unfamiliar, or absent.
I also enjoy using the butterfly hug, which was originally developed through EMDR. Here’s a video example. You can try tapping on a time you felt, witnessed, or offered compassion. Notice what starts to shift inside as you do.
Song, humming, and listening to music can be another way to access self-compassion. Again, titration is key, so take note of your response and work within what feels tolerable to you.
